that one page too much to handle

The mind functions too well to continuously store the past. If only I could shut my eyes for an empty mind tomorrow. Then last night's thoughts will not stay through out to haunt me today.

If only my mind is a powerful one that discards a bad thought as easily as it picks up a new one.

If only it was possible then being forgetful will not be embarrassing.

Imagine the mind of that superior capability, then being sad and regret will be an option. We can stop the thought that triggers our emotional tear glands right away. People will be less revengeful because even the biggest mistake can be forgiven. And you can not look back at my past and only look forward at our present and future.

And maybe we will eventually forget what we are fighting for and live life happily.

the dried page

For the past few weeks, It was me waking up to a constant haunt of thoughts and expectations.

The minute I see day light, unfriendly thoughts will poke fun at my mind.

"Will I be able to sit with her today? Will I see her the second I walk into class? Who will say Hi to who first? Who will initiate a conversation? If she don't, is she waiting for me to say something?"

The thoughts along that line were never absent. I admit there was a fear of reality not meeting expectations.

Yesterday night, I had a memorable french dinner. It was an onglet beef done medium rare, absolutely gorgeous I told the waiter who came to check on me. But the thought of having that dinner to end the day wasn't on my mind the minute I woke up yesterday morning.

I must say kicking off the day without expectations is a good way to start this brand new page.

a tea soaked page to dry

And so its time to flip this page of self plotted fairy tale to its end. This is to close a chapter I stubbornly wrote with my dreams and expectations.

Now, a new page awaits me. A tea soaked page too long waiting for a poetic beginning, for as long as I was figuring how to continue the stories of the current chapter. But when this new page dries up, a new chapter of dream will be plot.

I will have more spacebars between my words and a bigger font size to plot a less ambitious story for this new unnamed chapter. 

I will go to sleep tonight and wake up to a new reality.

Good night to you, the dedicated pen of the current chapter. A pen of thoughts coated with sweat of anxiety and a final touch of a fine layer of courage.

This is one chapter that I will revisit for its happy moments. Ones that made me smile as I author and teared as I scribble.